Movie Review: "Orphan"

"Orphan"

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra
Starring Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabel Fuhrman, Aryana Engineer, Daniel Coleman and CCH Pounder (as the Poundee).



You know it's a bad movie when... you come out of it annoyed at the person who suggested seeing it.

...you take a pee break in the middle and wash your hands... TWICE.

...you step out to ask someone at the concession for the nutritional information for your bag of popcorn.

...you start composing a snotty letter to Roger Ebert during a lull in the scary music.

...you ask yourself, "How would Michael Bay have improved on this film?"

...the heroine's nipples are showing through her t-shirt and you think, "Nope. Too late."

...you realize you're missing a re-run of "I Survived A Japanese Game Show" on ABC.

[Please, feel free to suggest your own.]