Michael Lohan Talks To God.

NEWS ITEM: Lindsay Lohan's father Michael claims God told him to build a rehab center.

I can only imagine that it went down very much like Bill Cosby's "Noah" routine.


GOD: Lohan!

LOHAN: Somebody call?

GOD: Lohan!

LOHAN: Who is that?

GOD: It's the Lord, Lohan.

LOHAN: Riiiiiight! Where are ya? What you want? I've been good.

GOD: I want you to build a rehab center.

LOHAN: Riiiiiight! What's in it for me?

GOD: Get someone to put up three times as much money as you'll need. Build it 300 meters by 80 meters by 40 meters.

LOHAN: Riiiiiight! Whats a meter?

GOD: You don't know what a meter is? Oh, yeah, I forgot - only America and Burma don't use the metric system anymore. Don't worry about it for now, Lohan. You can google it later. When you get it done, go out into the world and collect all of the rubes and halfwits you can get your hands on - male and female - and put them into the rehab center.

LOHAN: Riiiiiight! Who is this, really? What's going on? How come you want me to do all these weird things?

GOD: I'm going to destroy the world.

LOHAN: Riiiiiight! Am I on Candid Camera?

GOD: No, but there might be a reality series in it for you.

LOHAN: ALLLLLLLLL-Riiiiiight!